When all is failing, be optimistic!

Quote of the Week

Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement.
Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.
–Helen Keller

 So, here is the million dollar question: How can you feel optimistic when you just lost 2 escrows and the one remaining is a short sale you’ve been nursing for 8 months? How can you feel confident when nothing seems to be working for you? (I know that was two questions) 

The answer is simple. Your level of optimism cannot be contingent upon how well “things are going.” Self-confidence cannot be contingent on whether you are currently successful. Huh? Yes, that is what I meant to say. Allowing your feelings to be contingent on past and present results is my definition of VICTIMHOOD. 

You have no control over your feelings when you allow them to be shaped by past or current results. They become like corks bouncing on the waves, controlled by the winds and the currents.  Is this how you want to live? Of course not. 

So, how do you break the relationship between what you see and what you believe? The same way you master anything—the same way you get to Carnegie Hall—practice, practice, practice. Detach your feelings from current events. Focus on your vision of the future. Visualize yourself as a happy, healthy, successful person and allow that image to mold your feelings. Yes you will feel better, but more than that—your positive, optimistic attitude will attract people into your life who can help you to succeed.

When you radiate self-confidence, others feel confident in your abilities.

Time Traveler Alert

Time Traveler Alert

This is a message from the Emergency Success Network

 Recently we’ve been experiencing a dangerous increase in the number of thought-forms in both the past and the future. These traveling units of consciousness have created a drop in the critical mass necessary to sustain a positive, successful environment in the Present. We are asking all citizens to please return to the Present as quickly as possible. And, for goodness sake, smile or something. Thank You.

 Lack of Presence is a pandemic condition threatening the health of our planet. And, if we don’t turn the tide now, I’m afraid it could elevate to habit – and we all know how hard it can be to break habits. Due to the prolonged recession, fear of financial hardship has become the focus of news stations, the Ethernet, water cooler discussions and private moments of contemplation. The results of this phenomenon were easily predictable:

 1.  More time spent second-guessing the past and worrying about the future dramatically reduces the number of moments we spend in the only time-zone in which we can facilitate positive change – NOW!

 2.  Upon returning to the present from a worry session our self-esteem and general attitudes SUCK!

 3. Emerson said, we “are what we think about all day long.” When we focus on past problems we bring them into our present and push them out into our future – perpetuating the negative experience.

 The solution is simple: STOP DOING THAT!

1. Become aware of those moments when your consciousness slips from the present. When you notice yourself analyzing past “failures” or worrying about future outcomes, stop! Give yourself a signal like CANCEL THAT!

 2. Take a quick moment to bring yourself into the present. Feel the chair against your body. Take a deep breath. Smell, see, taste – take in everything around you. Get out of your head and into the world.

 Yesterday is as lost to us as the Peloponnesian War. Let it go or recreate it – our choice.

The Good, the Bad and the Who Knows?

 There is an ancient parable that demonstrates the folly of judging any circumstance as good or bad – I’ll paraphrase:  

A man had two great treasures in his life: his son and his stallion. They both brought him great happiness. The man woke one morning to find that his stallion had run off. With half of his treasure gone, he fell into a deep despair. Later that day the horse came back and brought along with him a beautiful wild mare. The man was elated. The next day his son tried to ride the new mare but was thrown and broke his leg. The man was again distraught. Shortly thereafter, a war broke out and the soldiers came to the village to conscript young men into the army. All were taken but his son who could not go because of his broken leg. The man was overjoyed. The story goes on and on and on.

 This is a very valuable parable – good to remember the next time an escrow falls apart, you get a flat tire or your husband runs away with your best friend’s… daughter (I’ve been watching too many soap operas). 

 Every new event changes the course of our lives. Who are we to know if the new course is an improvement or not. The person with the flat tire might judge it as bad, get angry, curse the car and the fact that they will be late for work and miss an important meeting. But perhaps without the flat they would have left for work on time and been in just the right spot to be involved in a terrible accident.

 We never know where the path not taken would have led us.

So, how can we judge it better than the one we are on?

 We can, of course, but… remember the parable the next time you feel a judgment coming on. It might reduce the amount of time you spend in regret. Well worth the effort I think.

Happiness is The Way

Quote of the Week

 

“There is no way to happiness: Happiness is the way.”

                           Wayne Dyer

 

This is one of the most important quotes of the 20^th Century (and one I have written about many times). If, as a species, we really understood these 10 words there would be no need for anti-depressants. We would eat less “comfort” food, make fewer impulse purchases, slash the divorce rate, reduce the demand for illegal drugs and convert most of our prisons into condos or college dormitories.

 

Why is happiness so elusive?

 

Most people I know make happiness contingent upon the achievement of … something else.

 

“If I could just get one very expensive listing.”

 

“If I could experience just one more good market.”

 

“If I could only lose 50 pounds.” If, if, if.

 

But, if being happy is such a great thing, why do we make it so difficult to achieve?

 

You don’t have to be Carl Jung to recognize the training program. From infancy we learn that if we act in certain ways, we make people happy – in other ways, and we make them sad or angry. A baby screams and her parents freak. She stops, they smile and coo. When you brought report cards home, did your grades affect your parent’s happiness quotient? 

 

There is an ancient parable that demonstrates the folly of conditional states of mind – I’ll paraphrase:  A man had two great treasures in his life: his son and his stallion. They both brought him great happiness. The man woke one morning to find that his stallion had run off. With half of his treasure gone, he fell into a deep despair. Later that day the horse came back and brought along with him a beautiful wild mare. The man was elated. The next day his son tried to ride the new mare but was thrown and broke his leg. The man was again distraught. Shortly thereafter, a war broke out and the soldiers came to the village to conscript young men into the army. All were taken but his son who could not go because of his broken leg. The man was overjoyed.

 

The original parable goes on to epic lengths, the man’s emotional state being bounced back and forth by events beyond his control. The age of this story tells us that we have been placing conditions on happiness for a very long time. Are we then doomed to be unhappy unless…?

 

Through the years, I have learned two valuable lessons – “ways” to dramatically improve my state of mind. The first lies in the second part of the quote, “happiness is the way.” 

 

Wayne dyer suggests that instead of making happiness the result of achieving this or that, we make happiness a goal – independent of all others. It requires a shift in how we speak to ourselves. Here is a typical conversation you might have with yourself on the way to work: “If I can get this offer accepted today, I’ll be thrilled – life will be good.” Notice how you’ve made your state of mind contingent on a buyer writing a good offer and a seller accepting it? Good luck with your mood. Alternatively, you could say, “Today I will be happy and content no matter what happens.” Now, you might also want to say, “Today I will get this offer accepted.” The key is to not link the two statements.

 

As always, change begins with awareness. Notice how your mood rises and falls along with the degree to which your expectations are met. At the same time, focus on Being Happy instead of achieving things that will Make You Happy.

 

The second “way” to on-demand happiness is closely related to the first. But, instead of focusing on happiness as a distinct, independent goal, it speaks to how we perceive the world around us.

According to Dan Millman (Way of the Peaceful Warrior), all unhappiness comes from looking at the world the way it is and wishing it were some other way. If we could accept the world as it is, we would be content at all times.

 

How can we accept a world, however, that is filled with hunger, war and cruelty? That is a tough question. The answer is found in the understanding that you can accept something as being just the way it is supposed to be at the time, and still want to facilitate change. Sound impossible?

 

Let’s say that you have a fear of public speaking – most people do. But as part of your prospecting plan you would like to give talks to community organizations. Fighting your fear, blaming yourself or others, regretting past lost opportunities can all result in anxiety, stress, and sadness.

 

Accepting that your fear is a natural result of past experience and programming removes any reason for blame or regret. Now, whether you fight your fear or accept it, you are capable of overcoming it: I know, I had to do it at one point in my life. But, by first accepting my situation, I removed a great source of discontent and unhappiness.

 

It’s important that you don’t confuse acceptance with passivity. I am not saying that you should accept everything just the way it is and do nothing to change your situation or the world around you. Actually, accepting the current state of things frees your mind to take more effective action. Free from anger and frustration, you can think more clearly, evoke more creative ideas and become a more efficacious person.